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  • Writer's pictureEli

Proformative Justice VICE Restorative Justice.

Updated: Jun 10, 2022

As I take yet another step back from the Leather ”community”, including all the places within the leather ”community” which have opted to ban me from their establishments or events.

The very places that I've either volunteered my time, energy, or freely provided service to and/ or just shown up and out my blackness, in their colorless spaces so others could visually know it was a space that was conducive for another queer/ gay BIPOC who looked like me could feel safe with my presents in that space.

None of which, at any point during my entire leather the experience offered any form of monetarily compensation for me to attend their venue spaces.

Not were any venues free at the door for entry or drinks tabs comped.

Each day I take a further step back, becoming more and more aware of the ethics of the Individuals whom I’ve once called “community”.

Honestly, now that I have had an opportunity to take a moment to see O/our “community “ from a different perspective. I have second thoughts about my alliance with what I once thought was built on #HONESTY, #LOYALTY, #RESPECT, and #INTEGRITY.

I made the choice to live my life in full transparency, (even when people told me to keep my lifestyle private) and I can live with that. However, looking hindsight 20/20 with all i have seen for myself and heard from. Elders (past and present) I can clearly see that the behavior of many has not changEd for the better.

Many speak of empowerment, and a change for all, but their are less and few willing to restore or remove the behaviors that are not conducive for change.

With that being said, there are many Intimate moments that I still choose to keep private. I do it for the sake of others who were involved and I take full accountability for that.

With the hopes of continuing building #TRUST on a personal level.

Protecting my tribe is my main concern. Keeping them out of harmes way now means keeping them unknown to the

”community” the only way anyone would know it who were involved/ affiliated with me is if they themselves informed them.

Which would be considered as them ousting themselves for additional exposure or attachment .

Some might call that keeping #INTEGRITY in play ,and some many could see it all as a form of maintaining #RESPECT Either way, I have always choose to hold space for us all to agree to disagree.

In this part of my journey, while taking several steps back. I've had no choice but to witness all who have taken it upon themselves to do all they can to focus all their attention to outdo the next person who have hoped on board the bandwagon in attempts to seek Justice without probable cause.

Even without due process, or even less of a conversation to merit their final decisions.


I have seen People face to face who have less than a single word to say during a social event, yet will run back to their apartments, jump on their computers and make a demand in the form of public humiliation. Then send a text or email after they have addressed the entire “community” of their actions first.

This passive-aggressive performative behavior seems to be an ongoing trend that has become the ”community” norm.

Hence why I chose to digress to take a seat in the far left side of the slash.

As I step back to take in the full spectrum of what is currently happening, I continue to have faith knowing that. What goes around comes around in O/our universe!

As I step back, It makes me question the role I play in my leather journey. Reflecting on the past times, and asking myself the fucking question. “ Did you Sir, in any way behave in this way?

By any chance, did you Sir display any of the characteristics shown by many fellow community members?

Taking the time out of my life to have long, hard conversations with others, by asking if they knew of a time or incident where I have bandwagon with others to wrongfully judge / accuse and or behave in a manner to act out of contact as a “community” leader or as “community” member.

People have said:

When you have had a problem in the past with someone you have made it your business to always confront them personally,

Allowing them the opportunity to explain/ express themselves.

I’ve set this standard (PROTOCOL) for myself not as an approach to set myself from others, but as the least inconld to as a human being. Which seem far different from what I've seen within O/our “community” members, hence why I can’t seem to wrap my hands around what I am seeing becoming the norm within O/our said “community”.

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