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  • Writer's pictureEli


Updated: May 8, 2022

Grand Rising to all my constituents, comrades, and most importantly my loyal confidants. In efforts to break my silence, to heal others

, and be healed, I am called to publicly address many personal life experiences in attempt to set some clear boundaries.

This morning while coming down slowly from an all men’s retreat weekend that has left me broken wide the fuck open (I) decided to write (MYSELF) some words of affirmation for (ME) to continue to heal from life’s awakening process.

With my boots on the ground learning and discovering leather/kink culture since 1999, I’ve done my share of sharing knowledge of my own translation in identifying from being straight, bisexual, to gay then queer all to add another experience layer as a BIPOC Kinky Leatherman to the label.

However, what I have found is how I choose to identify myself is never how I am perceived by others. I’ve allowed others around me to identify as they choose all to be told “you are too masculine presenting,” when that was NOT my intention nor was I asked.

Without my consent, opinions surrounding my identity consistently undergo repeated violations of misinterpretation by those who never bothered to take the time to get to know who I am.

This past weekend became an amazing transition in my life, being invited to have a seat at the table to share my leather kink knowledge and experience with those who were hungry to learn.

As an educator, I was present to do what needed to be DONE and blindsided in the most astonishing way how I was truly seen and heard. As a kinkster, my Dragon was allowed to fly high and roam freely and it too was also seen, heard, and felt by those willing and able to reciprocate the energy that comes from it.

As a gay/queer POC, how I identify is important to me. Just like others within our “community” my identity was once blatantly disrespected. My ENTIRE self was seen and acknowledged and affirmed, even my wisdom in my journey was requested to an open impromptu conversation on navigating within our lives as non-binary persons.

The invitation to have this conversation at the table and surprising myself was the HEALING and curve in my transformative justice that I needed for my own RECOVERY process.

I am sure this simple act of Kindness and Recognition was just as genuine as the Beautiful person who openly identify as non-binary, yet was also a stranger to my past.

Their request to obtain my SUPPORT to engage while having a non-binary conversation at lunch with other cis men was ground breaking.

I am led to believe that this request may have came from our personal interaction we had in the kitchen prior the day before when they and I first met. Authentic introductions, using my honorifics and he/him and they/them pronouns to engage who I openly identify as became the reform toward justice I required to move past any hurt and pain that has been caused in the past during my leather journey.

In my head, I sat at the table with this conversation with my plate full, yet I had the spoons to have this conversation.

At no point was there any need to put a fork in the topic for those who didn’t quite understand in that moment, because all were given grace for growth at the start of what could have been our last supper.

We all Indulged from the same cup of good spirits of the bottle of empathy.

I left this conversation with leftovers that would feed my soul or even someone seeing what I have to offer during this journey we call life!

Thank you universe for revealing my powerful purpose in my life while redefining what community REALLY meant to me!

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