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  • Writer's pictureEli

WHEN does BLACK male GAY privilege give birth?

Dear leather Journey,


I am not calling out all women because many of THEM did what they do to the best of their abilities out of lack of knowledge or empathy. so no judgment here!


Like many GAY/ QUEER BLACK MEN. I grew up with a single parent (God-fearing Christian Caribbean mother) who feared and spoke ill of gay people, especially gay BLACK men, mostly behind closed doors or in the company of other women.

This type of first-hand OPPRESSION from the first WOMAN I ever Love would later become the first mental battle I had to endure as a young Black cis male teenager.

I faced many obstacles with gender identity growing up way before it has a proper name or people could have a conversation to put on the Phil Donahue show! (Age marker)


Hindsight, I realize most of the hurtful words I would hear about Gay people from her and other black women within our black communities were TOXIC and would be considered Misandry, If Men were bold enough at 17 years old to call them out on their passive-aggressive toxic behavior.

Instead, like many young BLACK Gay/Queer men, I tried to suppress who I was (dem my light), to not draw attention to myself or anyone to who I was attracted because I didn’t want to embarrass my Mother or her other female body relatives and friends.

I later learned that even this “ closeted” behavior was also frowned upon by both black and white White woman.

However, no matter how much I hid parts of who I am, the people who feared me and what I liked, and eventually call me out when THEY/THEM would pick up on my style. I like to think many of the woman I did connect with just give me grace till I left charleston SC for College in Atlanta then the NAVY in 1988. Needless to say, I had about 25 years of negative generational energy to release once I finally discovered how to love myself through the pain of doing the shadow work.


To then become a part of a subculture “community” in 1999 as an ENTIER WHOLE Confident BLACK GAY/QUEER LEATHERMAN, all to once again, have to confront many Women body persons, who I either don’t have any personal connection with OR I have had to revoke my kindness to protect my energy due to THEY/.THEM continuously without consent freely and openly exercising their toxic behavior through misandry in many forms from racial Micro aggressions to non-consensual objectification, and Weaponized cancel culture with #metoo.

Once I’ve chosen to call in the accusers personally with written documentation they/retaliate by playing victims with the use of gaslighting.



I said all this to hopefully offer some insight when I was recently questioned as to why I haven’t attended IMsL.


I am big on creating “SAFE SPACES” and respecting others' boundaries as I would hope people would reciprocate in respecting the boundaries I’ve created or choose to be a part of.

I have witnessed, woman body people complain about being miss treated or misunderstood in all male spaces. I have seen the ”commuity” involvement with each and every violation reprting that has found its way onto social media.


So when ppl inform me of incidents within our culture where they/them didn’t feel wanted or safe within a “community” they/them are a PART of.

The first question I asked are

“WERE you INVITED?

WHO WERE you A GUEST OF?

HAVE you BEEN BLACKBALLED?”


When EVENTS/ CLUBS/ EVENT COMMITTEES & BOARD say

“We don’t want you/ your type in OUR safe space.


I don’t see that it an opportunity to force my (gender-blackness-Queerness energy) into boundaries that Exclude, When clearly they claim to have been inclusive publicly.


it’s no need to Gaslight them when they have told/ showed Up and showed Out exactly who they/ them are, and the values of integrity they/them operate from.


I am sure I am not to Only gay Man who have been through similar situations in their journey.Yet people don’t talk about the real triggers and toxic behaviors behind the need to empower exclusive spaces for gay men to be able to have their life in gay culture without being manipulated by the same bodiEd gender people who silence their voices in the past.

we don’t what to talk about the brokenness of the folks who are Not vetted prior to entry. for the sake of #gatekeeping. Many enter with false identification to create a new identit/ new life with illegal name changing for multiple scene name to escape they/them painful past.


Because I have witnessed how manipulative and conniving many GENDER Identified persons, binary and non-binary can be within our culture, I make it clear not to discriminate nor hesitate when to cut off those who threaten my peace and happiness to continue being accountable for my joy as a PROUD BLACK West Indian GAY/QUEER LEATHER Master in BDSM KINK & FETISH!

I have taken care of myself and others. As a vessel in guiding those who trust me as their leather DOULA, using my kink & fetish platform to give birth to what has been growing waiting to manifest to the world with no fear.








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